Teach Your Children Well

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.   Ephesians 6:4

We have some rules in place in our family; always slip folding money into the red pot of the bell-ringers at Christmas, always buy cookies from the Girl Scouts who show up at your door, and whenever possible, stop to buy lemonade at neighborhood children’s stands. This week, as Maybelle and I took a morning walk, there were three siblings with a table set up, open for business. “Oh no,” I thought as I approached, “I don’t have a single dollar on me!”

"What are y'all selling?" I asked, thinking I could return with cash. The middle child, a girl, held up a new blue kitchen sponge. "We have a sponge for 3 dollars." I decided I didn't need a sponge at the moment. The youngest volunteered, "We have lemonade and tea. Do you want a sample?" as he held up a large blue Solo cup. By now I have noticed the table; instead of the rather traditional pitcher of lemonade or small disposable dixie cups, these entrepreneurs, in addition to the aforementioned sponge, have small red bottles lined up in rows on their folding table.

The oldest boy tells me these are filled with “…tea. Really good tea made from five different kinds of tea.” I ask him how much. He replies, “Twelve dollars,” as they all nod their heads in agreement. “It is really good tea!”

I am pretty surprised at this twelve-dollar tea. I cannot stop myself from telling them they may want to rethink their business plan, as I laugh and begin to resume my walk. As I head on down the block, their father sitting nearby in a folding chair has obviously overheard our exchange. He calls out to me in the voice of an indulgent proud father “I let them set their own prices!”

Oddly, this infuriates me and I tell Maybelle since she will know exactly what I am talking about, "That father is an idiot!" The farther I walk, the angrier I become.

Children depend on their parents to teach them and guide them and set them on a path that leads to success. It may have amused this father to watch (and help!) his children explore their creativity and make their own decisions, but really, in the end, he was setting them up for wasted effort, disappointment, and failure. It made me sad for those children. Their father had betrayed them, abdicating his role as teacher and guide. There was nothing loving or helpful about his indulgent attitude.

Children need to be taught what is right, what is wrong. They want to know. Our grandson, at three, will ask us with hope in his voice after being reprimanded, “That’s just a little bit bad, right? That’s not real bad…it’s just a little bit bad…” He’s working on figuring it out. He wants to know the rules. He wants to know the acceptable expectations. Boundaries are good. They keep us safe. They teach us how to be respectful of others. They give us the opportunity to be accepted and be successful.

I think of my own parents. My mother was the main disciplinarian, but occasionally my daddy stepped in. I have a few moments in time etched into my memory. My daddy and I are sitting on the front steps of Rock Hill Baptist Church. It is Sunday morning. He has on a suit and a tie, a white starched shirt. The sun is shining warm and bright on my patten-leather shoes, my little bare legs out in front of me. I had expected to get a spanking. Instead, we are just sitting there, everything quiet except birdsong in the distance.

“Well, are you ready to go back in?” he asked. I was old enough to know what he wasn’t asking; “Are you ready to be quiet as you know you should?” 

“Yes,” I answered.

I was little but I understood if I was in church – which was a place filled with grownups - I was expected to sit quietly. That was what they were doing. That was what I needed to do.

I don’t think I ever had a lemonade stand but I did learn about earning money when my daddy allowed me to go work with him. He sold Charles Potato Chips to established customers on routes he and my mother had mapped out when he started the business. 

He knew each customer by name and often had little stories or interesting details he would tell me about them. He taught me how to carefully count out change and to keep all my dollar bills facing the same direction, largest bills folded inside the smaller. He taught me to say “Yes M’am” and “Thank you” and to be respectful of person and place. He taught me honesty and thoughtfulness. He taught me perseverance and patience. He showed me how to find joy in everyday things and the value of hard work.

My daddy laid a good foundation for me to succeed. Responsible, reliable; he showed me how to live a good life by example. His words were kind. His actions worth imitating.

I am reminded of Dr. Youssef’s teaching on raising your children well. He pointed to Psalm 127, training children to be powerful arrows; far-reaching, quick and true with purpose. If you do not teach them to be directed and strong, they will become an easy target. 

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands.

How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!

He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.    Psalm 127:3-5 NLT

I think of the admonition for children to obey their parents, with this invaluable advice to parents:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

I am grateful that I had the discipline and instruction from my father. He was not an overtly affectionate man, and certainly not emotional. But I knew he loved me. He loved his God and he loved his country. And there was something else he cared deeply about - the importance of play.

He loved amusement parks. Every single year he took a day off work to take the family to Six Flags. We left before dawn to arrive at the gates before they opened and we stayed until they closed. He rode every ride, laughing all the way.

There is one other moment running like a precious three-second loop caught in my memory. Water parks were a new thing. We were in Myrtle Beach when we saw our first one - towering bright lights over a giant hill of parallel water slides in carnival colors. The next night, after dinner, we were all there. I can still see my daddy, one step in front of me as we climbed up the steep steps toward the top. Both of us carried giant innertubes under our arms, dressed in our bathing suits, water dripping off our skin. Daddy looked back to catch my eye. And grin.

Question: How did your father influence your life? What do you want to pass on to your children or other young ones in your life?

If your father fell short of loving you well, there is One who does: Chris Tomlin - Good Good Father ft. Pat Barrett

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlsQrycKKsY

 New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.