We have a worktable at the back of our family room. It is cleaned off only a couple of times a year, layered with a tablecloth and candles and china when we have family over for dinner that numbers beyond 12. Otherwise, that table is always filled with tools and the remnants or beginnings of projects.

Pictures are framed, guitars are rewired, cushions are recovered, presents are wrapped, props for film are created. There are toolboxes and crates and drawers filled with paint and glue, hammers and screwdrivers, and stapleguns. A sewing machine is close by on a shelf. This is part of our everyday life; repairing what is broken; taking what was old or discarded and making it new.

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You just don’t know how quickly the time passes. They tell you, those older folks – but when you are in it, the days of diapers and complete dependency seem like they will last forever. I remember feeling like I was drowning in responsibility and exhaustion. I remember daydreaming of what two weeks of nothing to do could possibly feel like. Heaven, I imagined.

I loved my two children to death, but wow… juggling being the best mother ever and carrying a full load of high expectations at work and remodeling our house while living in it and having absolutely no family living anywhere nearby was – a lot.

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Do not think the journey will be easy. It will not. I wish someone would have told me before I started out on this path. Oh, wait a minute – they did. God’s word is filled with forewarning. Enter at your own risk. Do not take up the plow and turn to look back. Take up your cross and follow me. Those were the passages I didn’t like so it was pretty easy to ignore them, to skip over them and race ahead to the happier stuff.

A few weeks ago when I was teaching the family stories of Genesis, a woman asked about the story of God instructing Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. She shared that her father couldn’t get past this horrible story; he couldn’t trust a God who would ask such a thing. I agreed and tried to explain how God was teaching Abraham and a world to come of the great sacrifice He would make when His own son would be sacrificed on the cross for us. I knew my answer brought no relief from the horror of the request.

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I wander through the rain-soaked back yard humming "Morning has broken, like the first morning, Blackbird has spoken like the first bird…" on repeat. It is too wet from the night's storm to set up camp on any of my outdoor chairs, so I wander back inside and feed the dog – which is not my job – but she just looks so hopeful I can't deny her.

And I know what I have to do. I have to sit down and write. Write what - I don’t know. I only know it is a feeling, not unlike the bite of the mosquito that left its mark on my toe last night as I sat outside and talked for hours with Lauri. Hours later my heart is still filled with the joy of being with her and I am aware that there is an itch remaining that is demanding to be scratched.

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There they sat at the table next to us; a man and a young girl around ten in a blanket of silence. My husband watched them as they gathered their things and walked away and turned to me with a quiet question, “Was that a man and his daughter?” I nodded. “Did he ever say a word to her?” I shook my head. “I would pay to have lunch with my daughter,” Jeff responded with dismay.

I had watched them as they sat together and ate in silence for twenty minutes. The man had his newspaper spread out before him – a black and white barrier between them. He scanned through the pages, never lifting his eyes to his young companion. She shifted in her chair, revealing a thick novel beside her plate.

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It all started in the Temple.

Zachariah, the old priest, had been chosen by lot to enter into God's presence – into the Holy of Holies, to offer incense. He stayed inside there for a long time. Too long. Because he was talking to an angel.

The angel told Zechariah that he and his wife Elizabeth – who was well beyond child-bearing years – would be given a son who would be great before the Lord. This son would be filled with God’s Spirit and would turn many hearts to the Lord. He would speak with the power of Elijah. He would prepare the way for the coming of another. The angel’s name was Gabriel. The coming son was to be named John.

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We are all born homeless. This thought finally makes sense to me. It makes sense of the ideas of God and Jesus and church and heaven and hell and eternity. All those loose words feel like pieces of a puzzle I turn around in my hand, trying to get them to line up and fit together perfectly.

We are all born homeless. We just don’t realize it. Some of us were born into gentler neighborhoods, where the sun was shining and the breeze blowing on tree-lined streets. Some of us had to learn to walk around glass and through dark alleyways, keeping an eye out for the coming storm. But all of us were born homeless, looking for our Home.

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What do we know of being an eyewitness? What do we know of testifying about what our own eyes have seen?

Many years ago, as Jeff and I slowly pulled through an intersection, a car ran a red light and hit us. The policeman who took our information returned to us after speaking with the man who hit us and told us he would need to give us a ticket. We were shocked because it obviously was not our fault.

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“Come on in,” she said. “The water feels great.” I dip a tentative toe in breaking the surface. I decide to go ahead and commit; the warm water bubbling hotter as I make my way down the tiled steps.

“There are deer grazing on the lawn below us,” she shares and makes her way through the water to gaze out at them. It has been a long weekend of overflowing abundance and I had been hoping for solitude and silence to soak up the last glow of the day as the sun set behind the snow-sprinkled Colorado mountains.

I quickly let the realization sink in that this woman has stories to tell as she moves through the water to sit even closer to me and begins to unspool her life, the information spilling out and puddling around her like a shiny satin ribbon.

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It's inevitable. Every time, after God has walked me to the stage, put a microphone in my hand, and given me words to say, I wake up the next morning asking, “What? What are your plans for me? Is this really what you want me to do?” And now with social distancing, this path seems to have yellow ‘no trespassing’ tape blocking the door. What am I to do?

I ask those questions, not out of humbleness and obedience, but out of doubt and mistrust. A little bit of frustration. I don’t like this faith walking. I want the whole picture painted out before me. I want “This is the way – walk in it.” But God is being silent on this subject and I don’t like it.

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