A Few Words to Fathers

August 13, 2020 Georgia Tanner

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. Colossians 3:21 NASB

There they sat at the table next to us; a man and a young girl around ten in a blanket of silence. My husband watched them as they gathered their things and walked away and turned to me with a quiet question, “Was that a man and his daughter?” I nodded. “Did he ever say a word to her?” I shook my head. “I would pay to have lunch with my daughter,” Jeff responded with dismay.

I had watched them as they sat together and ate in silence for twenty minutes. The man had his newspaper spread out before him – a black and white barrier between them. He scanned through the pages, never lifting his eyes to his young companion. She shifted in her chair, revealing a thick novel beside her plate.

I fought the temptation to take two steps forward and place my hand on his shoulder to say quietly, “You are missing this incredibly precious chance to connect with your child. If you are not talking to her now, she will not talk to you when she is in her teens and needs the wisdom and guidance of the most important man in her life. You are forfeiting this gift of time with her. To listen to her. To be interested in her. To be excited just to look into her eyes. You are telling her much more clearly than you realize, ‘You are not important to me. I would rather spend my time with a piece of paper that is tomorrow’s trash.’ Look up. Ask her what she is doing and what she is learning and what she is thinking. You may be closing a door that you can never open again.”

My husband doesn’t have to pay to have lunch with our daughter. In her 20’s with a husband and a child and a life of her own, she still calls and asks if she can come over. And sometimes she joins us for lunch. We still delight in hearing about her day, how she is navigating life, parenting her child, loving her husband. We know her well. And she comes to us – just to talk. Just to share life.

If I could give advice to fathers, it would be this: Lay everything else down and look into the face of your child. Talk to her. Listen to her. Ask her what she thinks. Tell her about your life. You are the most important man in your child’s life. You are establishing her understanding of love and worth. You hold what she thinks of men in your hands. You hold what she thinks of herself in your hands.

Do you see her? Or is the temporary trash in your hands more valuable?

Put your paper down. Look into her eyes. Be with her. Open the door.

QUESTION: How did your relationship with your Dad affect your self-confidence? How does it affect your relationship with your own children?

Logan Mize - "Prettiest Girl in the World"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzYp_qQDBD8

Photo Credit: My dear friend Pam’s son with his daughter. Probably taken by his wife.